Introduction

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Hi. My name is Meredith. I’m not a doctor but I played one once. Not on TV though. It was behind a ‘never-wake-up-berry’ bush on the east side of Indianapolis with a boy named Danny.

I sometimes wonder what ever happened to Danny. Our kindergarten teacher had to separate us after a pecking session during Sesame Street one morning. Danny was the cutest kindergartener I had ever seen. He was like the Brad Pitt of Ms. Walter’s a.m. class. And I was the most dude-ish girl kindergartener in the mix. For real. I liked Garanimal’s overalls and hated my comb. But Danny wanted to smooch me. (Well and a girlie girl named Tiffany.) But she only got 1 peck to my 3. Ha. Ha. Ha. And I remember it was during one of Count Chocula’s little number lessons.  Or whatever that little vampire dude’s name was. He was a Count who counted (pssst. Good one Sesame Street.) And Danny clearly had a thing for numbers and butchy girls. Sooooo, my guess is Danny is now an accountant with a strong appreciation for Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat? Right Danny?

But I digress. Back to my introduction. I am a mom to 3 kids. They are half Kiwi kids. Their dad left the beautiful “land of the long white cloud” where he grew up splashing about in the Tasman Sea, for a life in the flatlands of the Midwestern United States. You better go outside after a good rain if you want to play in a non-man-made body of water where we live. I think he must be at least a little bit crazy.

Anyway – enough about him. This is about me. I thought it might be helpful to start my first blog with a list of the Most Frequently Asked Questions:

Question 1: Why did you start a blog? There’s a million of them out there already. Who the hell is gonna stop their busy life to read yours?

Answer: Good question. I don’t have an answer.

Question 2: You’re getting another Diet Coke mom? Why do you have to go to McDonald’s every single day to get Diet Coke!?

Answer: Why don’t you worry about yourself. I’m an adult and if I want to poison my body with fizzy sugar free caramel colored goodness, then that is my business. NEXT!

Question 3: What’s that actor’s name who played Goose in Grease 2? I see that dude everywhere.

Answer: His name is Christopher McDonald and he has steadily been working as a character actor since the early eighties. Good question!

Question 4: Why on earth does Shaggy let Scooby Doo consume so much crap human food? I know I’ve seen that dog eat a chocolate cake once. That is very neglectful.

Answer: Hi. Yes it is neglectful to feed your pooch a chocolate cake. However, Scooby Doo is a cartoon character. He can’t die. Perhaps you’ve never seen a cartoon before?

Question 5: If kidnappers were holding Russell Crowe hostage and would only release him to you if you gave them your case of Wonka Bars, what would you do?

Answer: Really? We’re talking Russell Crowe here right? Good grief, do you know nothing woman? It would totally depend on how many golden tickets were left in rotation. Duh.

Question 6: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Answer: Screw you. I hate tongue twisters.

Question 7: Do you know the way to San Jose?

Answer: Yep. And so does Rand McNally. Do yourself a favor and buy a road atlas dumb shit.

Question 8: Who does Spock’s eyebrows?

Answer: I’m not positive, but rumor has it that he goes to an unorthodox eyebrow threader named Candy who runs a shop on the west side of the Milky Way. His human side makes him illogical on occasion.

Question 9: Who was the hottest president of the United States?

Answer: Well the most common and popular answer is the 35^th President, John F. Kennedy. However, the lesser known 14^th President, Franklin Pierce was not so shabby. He had wild dark curly hair that was a smidgeon better tamed than Gene Wilder, AND he had a sharp nose with soulful little eyes. He gets my vote. I would love to see a 21^st century version of him. Hmmm. I picture Colin Firth…of course.

Question 10: If you had a dollar for every time someone mistook you for Julia Roberts, how much money would you have?

Answer: One dollar. But that’s cool, that’ll buy me a Diet Coke from McDonald’s. It was in a public Bathroom at Indiana University. A middle-aged woman came in and nearly fell over herself because she thought I was America’s Sweetheart. I get the horse teeth and big auburn hair bit. But Julia has brown eyes and is about 3 feet taller than me. OH and there is that little part about her being a BIG, GIANT MOVIE STAR! Probably not hanging out at the student union. But it was funny at the time.

So there you have it. My intro. In short, I’m just a woman trying to balance motherhood, wifeyness, work, extended family, movies and all the other crap that life brings me AND laugh as much as possible while doing it (to keep me from crying.)  

Oh and most importantly, I love Russell Crowe. So I may mention him from time to time. Enjoy. :)